A change of heart

It has been a while since I have written. I'd like to get back to it, as it is still a fantastic outlet, and I love the connection it provides with people, even people I don't regularly communicate with.

The last time I posted, I was in a bad place. Since then, I left my job in Nashua. I was not sad about this. The anxiety and the panic disorder that came along with it were completely out of control during this past school year. There were times when I couldn't see past a few hours in the future, and I didn't really want to because it meant that I would have to go back to teaching in an environment that was not good for me. I would say that March and April of 2023 were probably the hardest months I have ever experienced. I had an accommodation under the Americans with Disabilities Act because I couldn't get myself to school most days due to panic attacks and anxiety. I was *this* close to walking away before the end of the year.

Thankfully, due to a combination of therapy and medication, those things are much more under control now, and I am looking at things with a new outlook since the last time I wrote. Since then, I have met with some success in my audiobook narration venture, I have had a relaxing summer (mostly) with my family, and have run into another new circumstance that may surprise some of you. 

Around the end of May or beginning of June, I had an interview for a music position. It was the only job I had applied to in the education field. I had no idea what to expect. I was just taking a shot in the dark, and maybe, just maybe, there'd be a spark. I thought the interview went well, and I was invited back for a second round where I would teach a class and have a Q&A with some of the students. It was during this class period that I felt that spark for music and for teaching flicker, ever so softly. 

The school, Groton-Dunstable Regional Middle School, offered me their position, and I accepted it! When I came home from both of my interviews, I said to Molly, "This is the first time in a long time I've felt hopeful about a music teaching position. Between the class schedule, some of the resources available, the freedom to teach material I am comfortable with, and the ability to connect to students through band and other musical avenues made me, as close as I was to walking away, want to teach, want to dive back in, want to connect with students again beyond a superficial level. It, like I said before, gave me hope.

I am tired of much of music education (the education part, mostly), but I can't escape my passion for music, for students, and for trying to give them the experience that I loved and so cherished during my school years. I trace much of my desire to be a music teacher back to Mr. Parks at UMass, but in reality, it started before that with Mr. Tracy, Mr. Howard, Mr. Hague, Mr. Porter, and others. I am grateful to have the hope that they had again. I'm excited to begin.